The IEP Table Was Never Meant to Have Sides

I have never liked the phrase “the district side of the table”, or “the parent side of the table.”

Because the moment we create sides, we risk forgetting who the table is for.

Think about sitting around a long rectangular table during a holiday gathering.

You know the kind.

The table is full of people you love, but somehow the conversation happening at one end feels completely separate from what is happening at the other.

The people sitting in the middle usually have the best view.

They can hear both conversations.

They can see the reactions.

They have a better understanding of what is happening around the entire table.

But the people sitting at the ends?

They miss things.

They do not hear every comment.

They do not see every expression.

They do not always know the full conversation happening on the other side.

And when information is missing, something very human happens.

We fill in the gaps.

We make assumptions.

And assumptions are powerful.

Because assumptions create walls where conversations need bridges.

A parent may assume a school does not care because a concern was not immediately resolved.

A teacher may assume a parent is being difficult when the parent is actually scared and searching for answers.

A specialist may assume everyone understands a recommendation when, from the family’s perspective, it feels confusing or overwhelming.

The problem is usually not that people do not care.

The problem is that people are sometimes sitting too far apart to see the whole picture.

That is why the table matters.

The table was never meant to divide us.

It was meant to bring us together around the child.

And that is why I believe the table should be a circle.

Because circles do not have sides.

A circle does not have an end.

No one is farther away from the conversation.

No one has to guess what is happening on the other side.

Everyone has a place.

Everyone has a voice.

Everyone can see the center.

And at the center of that circle is the one person who brought everyone together in the first place:

The child.

Always.